"Fight on the Ice", Abbott vs. Van Os, scheduled today

In lieu of the canceled inaugural parade (Eileen gets kudos for best headline, again) the much anticipated "Fight on the Ice" between the 2006 attorney general candidates is on for today, at high noon, in front of the Texas Capitol.

Picture this:

David Van Os, twirling on ice skates like Eric Heiden, swinging a grapple hook like a lasso over his head, slams it into the back of Abbott's wheelchair and yanks his seat from under him. Abbott, his arms waving wildly but his useless legs splayed ridiculously, sails down the Capitol promenade on his backside, gathering speed on the downhill run. He skids all the way down Congress Avenue, bounces off the bridge railing and launches like an Iraqi mortar shot into the air and out into the middle of a not-quite-frozen Town Lake. As Abbott splashes spectaculary into the water, a tremendous cheer erupts from the assembled fight fans back on the south steps.

I can see it as plain as day.

(Hat tip to Phillip for the original inspiration.)