New FS Blog: EF'M: The Life of an FSO Spouse

"Because I'm not just a government acronym!"

EF’M: The Life of an FSO Spouse is a charming new blog with bite and humor by David L. who insists, “I'm not just a government acronym!”  He is married to a foreign service officer on training and will move to Hermosillo, Mexico this summer.”

Excerpt from his first post: 

Somewhere in that process, Natalie becomes an FSO, and I became an eligible family member (EFM). Yuck! Where did the government get the right to turn me into an acronym—and a lame one at that?



Even FSO is a bit acrid, so I’ve re-acronized the government’s distasteful acronyms. These are a little more flexible and can change with the moods. Most often, FSO now means fervent significant other, but the “F” can be upgraded to favorable, fantastic, or fabulous; or it can be downgraded to fascist, fastidious, or when I’m really angry, fatuous.



But what to call myself and others in my position? This was more difficult, because it risks following into the same trap the government did—generalizing us into a group, and in essence, marginalizing us. So generically, I’m fine with efficient familial manager, but like with FSO, I’m sure Natalie will have different EFMs for me such as exhaustive, fat malcontent, or extremely flexible mainstay, depending on how supportive I’m being at the time.



The key, I suppose, is to not let the government dictate too much as to what we are supposed to be. Yeah, I understand for legal purposes, they need some generic terms to cover who gets to travel on the taxpayers’ dime (thanks taxpayers!), but I’m not some generic EFM. So, I say ef’m.

Read his blog here. Other recent entries offer a good read and a bunch of chuckles:

EFM: Even Follows to Mexico, EFM: Explaining Flag (Day) Meticulously, EFM: Everybody’s Favorite Mutt

David may not know this, but he ought to be relieved that Natalie did not join in the 60’s. Back then, his performance as a spouse (even if he were not employed by the USG) would have been included in his wife’s employment evaluation.  So her performance and promotion would have depended in no small part on how supportive he was to her official functions and to the mission.  Or back in the 80’s for that matter; back then, if he found work at the embassy he would have been known as a “PIT” not as an AEFM (Appointment Eligible Family Member).  The term formerly applied to most family member employment positions and the employees encumbering those positions. As in “Were you a PIT in Ouagadougou?”  PIT stands for “part-time intermittent temporary;” don’t ask me who thought up these wonderful acronyms.  Thankfully, it is no longer in used.  Additional EFM-related terms are here.  Longer list of acronyms for State is here (253 pages only) in case you’re curious. Nothing in the list is quite in the pits as the “PIT,” I can tell you.



We are definitely looking forward to reading more from David L. 

Quote: Pardon me, Ma’am, but I’m not worried about place cards…

Image by godutchbaby via Flickr

 “The old advice was presented as if written for a peacetime military, with priority placed on manners and  domestic/

administrative detail. Traditions and protocol are lovely, and they are important, but they’ve taken a backseat to more grave concerns. Pardon me, Ma’am, but I’m not worried about place cards for my afternoon tea, I’m worried about my husband getting his legs blown off, or whether our marriage can survive a third year-long deployment.”

Lily Burana

Author of I Love a Man in Uniform

Via Nathan Hodge of Danger Room | Ex-Stripper, Army Spouse on Life Behind the Camo Curtain

The ‘Hillary Effect’ on Ambassadorships to the U.S.

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Mary Jordan writes 'Hillary effect' cited for increase in female ambassadors to U.S. for WaPo (January 11, 2010):

Quotable quotes from the article:

"Even when I say I am ambassador, people assume I am the spouse."

Meera Shankar, Indian Ambassador to the US  

(India's first female ambassador in more than 50 years)

"It's a disadvantage that I am here by myself […] but that means I can work late and not feel guilty."

Houda Ezra Ebrahim Nonoo

Ambassador from Bahrain since 2008

"Hillary Clinton is so visible" as secretary of state […] she makes it easier for presidents to pick a woman for Washington."

Amelia Matos Sumbana

Ambassador from Mozambique.

"It's considered normal if a woman goes with her husband but it's not seen as the same if a husband goes."

Angele Niyuhire

Ambassador from Burundi

Jordan writes that Ambassadors' wives have historically played a huge role in entertaining -- a key part of an envoy's job -- so that duty falls to the female ambassadors. "We need a wife, too!" several remarked.

Other tidbits from the article that you might find interesting:  

• “There are 25 female ambassadors posted in Washington -- the highest number ever, according to the State Department.”
  
  

• “Eleven of the 25 female envoys in Washington are from Africa. Four are from Caribbean nations. The others are from Bahrain, the Netherlands, Croatia, Kyrgyzstan, Singapore, Oman, Colombia, India, Liechtenstein and Nauru, an eight-square-mile Pacific island with only 14,000 people.”
  
  

• “Women remain a distinct minority -- there are 182 accredited ambassadors in Washington -- but their rise from a cadre of five in the late 1990s to five times that is opening up what had been an elite's men club for more than a century.”
  
  

• “While male ambassadors are usually accompanied by wives, female ambassadors are often here alone. Of eight interviewed, four are divorced and four said their husbands did not accompany them to Washington because of their own jobs.”
  
  

• “More than half of new recruits for the U.S. Foreign Service and 30 percent of the chiefs of mission are now women, according to the State Department. That is a seismic shift from the days, as late as the 1970s, when women in the Foreign Service had to quit when they married, a rule that did not apply to men.”

Read the whole thing here.

More than half of the new recruits in the Foreign Service are women.  That may not be a great conundrum for the FS now, but before too long it will be. 

What would they do with the husbands?

One More Reason Why Professional EFM Jobs Matter Now

The UN Economic Commission for Europe (UNECE) calls population ageing one of the biggest challenges of our century. While working age adults currently make up the largest share of the population in the UNECE region and percentages of dependent children and older adults are relatively small, this situation is changing rapidly. In Europe, there are now 4.4 persons of working age per one person 65 or older. By 2025, there will be 3.1 and by 2050 only 2.1. To help its member States make the appropriate policy responses, the United Nations Economic Commission for Europe (UNECE) is launching a series of Policy Briefs on Ageing. Drawn from the latest insights in research, the Briefs highlight strategies for policymakers and offer good practice examples for the variety of policy contexts found in the UNECE region.

One of the policy briefs is on gender equality, work and old age. Excerpted below is the section citing the link between labor force participation and social security.  Although this brief refers to ECE countries, I see some particular relevance to this and trailing spouses and partners in the Foreign Service.

The truth is -- despite progress in the workplace in the United States, trailing spouses particularly women (whether they like it or not), eventually regress into the traditional gender division of labor when posted overseas.  The inability of most Foreign Service spouses (81% of total population is female) and partners to pursue their careers while they are overseas (on their spouses’ government orders) will likely impact their financial and social security in old age. And since the female life expectancy in the United States is now 81.43 and expected grow to 86.62 in 2050, I think of this issue as a possible double whammy future fraught with peril. From the report:

Elderly women outnumber elderly men in all countries of the UNECE region. They are more likely to live in poverty and to be affected by disability and restrictions of mobility. They are more represented among those living in residential care and are at bigger risk of elderly abuse. Many elderly women are widows and at an economic disadvantage due to low incomes. To tailor adequate social policies to respond to an increasingly ageing society, it is important to take into account these gender differences.

Financial and social security of women and men in old age is connected to their current and previous participation in the labour market. Gender differences in socio-economic status are partially rooted in the traditional gender division of labour, where men bear the primary responsibility for breadwinning - that is, for paid work - and women for unpaid housework and family care. This has an impact on men’s and women’s ability to accumulate social security entitlements for their pension age.

Nevertheless, it is desirable that men and women are able to form their family and work lives during their working age period in the way that best suits their personal needs without risking their security in old age. To shape the political framework for gender equality throughout the life course, three strategies are important. The first is to enable and encourage women, and mothers in particular, to participate in the labour market and build careers in the same way as men do. Among others things, this would contribute to their social security entitlement in old age as well as to the current pay-as-you-go pensions system of their countries. Secondly, women who decide to take a career break due to caring responsibilities should nevertheless enjoy social security in old age. A gender-assessed pension system would need to compensate for this. Thirdly, it should be acknowledged that support from family members traditionally plays an important role in the care of older persons and can often be the most desirable form of such care for those involved. Therefore, working-age family members need to have the opportunity of assistance when undertaking such caring tasks.

Frankly, I can imagine a gender-assessed pension systems in some parts of Europe, but not in the United States.  Click here to read the full brief.  To read the other policy briefs, check out UNECE launches Policy Briefs on Ageing.

New FS Blog: Inspired Overseas Living

Inspired Overseas Living, “a Life Coaching Blog devoted to Spouses of Diplomats and Expats” is a sparkly new blog by Sarah Novak, an FS spouse and Certified Professional Co-Active Coach through the Coaches Training Institute. 

From her blog:

She is part of the elite top 15% of individuals in her field that hold a coaching certification recognized by the International Coaching Federation (ICF).  She is the founder of Envision Life Coaching, a company that works with spouses of Expats and Diplomats to address the personal identity issues that arise when relocating overseas.



Sarah holds a Master’s Degree in Business Administration from the University of St. Thomas Opus College of Business. She has been fortunate enough to immerse herself in a variety of learning environments throughout her career, from a fortune 500 company to a non-profit organization to her current entrepreneurial venture. Living as an American overseas is adding new excitement to Sarah’s coaching! She brings her rich blend of life experiences and a rare passion for life to all her coaching work.

Active links added above.  Sarah is posted in Manila, Philippines through the summer of 2011. She also writes the Minnesota Gal's Blog “You can take the girl out of Minnesota, but you can't take the Minnesota out of the girl!”  Check out her blogs. 

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• How To Become a Life Coach (howcast.com)

Quote: The Role of the Ambassador’s Wife

"The role of an Ambassador’s wife is multifaceted and
sometimes a bit misunderstood. To the outside world the life of an
ambassadorial couple is glitz and glamour, they live in palatial houses, are
driven by chauffeurs in large cars with flags, attend a whirlwind of parties.
But when you look behind the scenes, you see a different picture, especially
for the ambassador’s wives. First, many of these women are highly educated and
had successful careers in their home countries. By accompanying their husbands
in their postings, they become “trailing spouses” and risk losing part of their
identity. Increasingly women react either by continuing their own careers, thus
not joining their husbands, or by using their profession in the country of
assignation, thus combining their role of “ambassador’s wife” with their own
professional accomplishments. Another issue is also that ambassadorial couples
have budgetary resources that are insufficient for their representational
functions. As a result, many of the ambassador’s wives have to be ingenious
financial experts and astute organizers."

Rita Janssen

Spouse of Ambassador Marc Franco, the head of the
Delegation of the European Commission to Russia

from Ambassador
and His Wife: One plus One Is More Than Two

Quickie: Unwed FS Couples Want Benefits, Too

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Paul Richter writes in today’s issue of the LA Times: Benefits for gays? Us too, say the unwed. He reports that opposite-sex partners in the Foreign Service say they should be treated the same and that at least one FS couple has threatened to challenge the rules in court as discriminatory.

I don’t know what the numbers is for the Foreign Service but according to this report census data show that unwed heterosexual couples in the United States comprise about 10% of opposite-sex couples living together. I though think that this issue, because it has to do with people and benefits has the potential to get rather messy. Quick excerpts below:

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton won praise in June after pushing to extend many federal benefits traditionally provided to diplomats' spouses to gay and lesbian partners.Since then, unmarried heterosexual couples have been lining up to ask for benefits too. They have approached the State Department's personnel office and the diplomats' union, arguing that they are entitled to equal treatment. At least one couple has threatened to challenge the rules in court as discriminatory.[…]The family benefits, although a small part of diplomats' overall benefit package, are important to Foreign Service officers. Benefits include paid travel for the partner to and from overseas posts; visas and diplomatic passports; emergency medical treatment; shipment of household possessions; emergency evacuation in times of danger; and education benefits for minor children. Health insurance is not included for gay partners, although spouses are covered.[…]The American Foreign Service Assn., the diplomats' union, has not yet taken a position, said spokesman Tom Switzer, but it "has heard from a number of members who believe that the same benefits should be extended to opposite-sex, unmarried partners as well."

Read the whole thing here.

Federal Internship for Spouses, Military Spouses Only

President Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2010 on October 28, 2009 and it had become Public Law No: 111-84. Sec. 564 of the Act is a pilot program to secure internships for military spouses with Federal agencies.

(a) Cost-reimbursement Agreements With Federal Agencies- The Secretary of Defense may enter into an agreement with the head of an executive department or agency that has an established internship program to reimburse the department or agency for authorized costs associated with the first year of employment of an eligible military spouse who is selected to participate in the internship program of the department or agency.

(b) Eligible Military Spouses-

• (1) ELIGIBILITY- Except as provided in paragraph (2), any person who is married to a member of the Armed Forces on active duty is eligible for selection to participate in an internship program under a reimbursement agreement entered into under subsection (a).

• (2) EXCLUSIONS- Reimbursement may not be provided with respect to the following persons:

• (A) A person who is legally separated from a member of the Armed Forces under court order or statute of any State, the District of Columbia, or possession of the United States when the person begins the internship.

• (B) A person who is also a member of the Armed Forces on active duty.

• (C) A person who is a retired member of the Armed Forces.

(c) Funding Source- Amounts authorized to be appropriated for operation and maintenance, for Defense-wide activities, shall be available to carry out this section.

(d) Definitions- In this section:

• (1) The term `authorized costs' includes the costs of the salary, benefits and allowances, and training for an eligible military spouse during the first year of the participation of the military spouse in an internship program pursuant to an agreement under subsection (a).

• (2) The term `internship' means a professional, analytical, or administrative position in the Federal Government that operates under a developmental program leading to career advancement.

(e) Termination of Agreement Authority- No agreement may be entered into under subsection (a) after September 30, 2011. Authorized costs incurred after that date may be reimbursed under an agreement entered into before that date in the case of eligible military spouses who begin their internship by that date.

(f) Reporting Requirement- Not later than January 1, 2012, the Secretary of Defense shall submit to the congressional defense committees a report that provides information on how many eligible military spouses received internships pursuant to agreements entered into under subsection (a) and the types of internship positions they occupied. The report shall specify the number of interns who subsequently obtained permanent employment with the department or agency administering the internship program or with another department or agency. The Secretary shall include a recommendation regarding whether, given the investment of Department of Defense funds, the authority to enter into agreements should be extended, modified, or terminated.

* * *The defense appropriations act for FY 2010 is still in conference and has not been included in the omnibus spending bill that was just passed in Congress. Perhaps it's not be too late to tell AFSA and your elected representatives to include Foreign Service spouses in this pilot program? If it is -- there is always next year to lobby for a similar internship or fellowship. Contact AFSA here. Contact your elected representatives here.Based on statistics presented in FLO’s 2009 ―Worldwide Family Member Employment overview, close to 10,000 adult family members accompany a U.S. Direct Hire employee on his/her overseas assignment. According to the Family Liaison Office -- of this total, nearly two-thirds expressed an interest in working, while only a third was successful in finding employment. Unlike military spouses who may find employment inside military bases overseas, there are usually not enough jobs for diplomatic spouses overseas, inside the mission or in the local economy. And when jobs are available within the US missions, most jobs are clerical in nature and widely viewed by some 75% of family members with degrees (about half have advanced degrees) as not very challenging or interesting. A federal internship such as this would allow EFMs to obtain work experience for career advancement while accompanying the employee-spouse on a diplomatic assignment overseas. Which also means that returning home after years of being away would not put spouses and partners at a disadvantage when job hunting with their chequered and spotty resumes.

There are families at US Embassy Kabul?

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Secretary Clinton’s US Embassy Kabul meet and greet last week was labeled a “Meet and Greet at Embassy Kabul with Employees and Their Families.” This almost gave the impression of “normal” with dependent family members in the warzone.

Of course, family denotes the traditional basic unit consisting of two parents and children or spouse and children, or the not so traditional one parent/child/ren composition. As far as I know, the US Embassy in Kabul is still a fully unaccompanied post. Well, unaccompanied except for the ambassador’s wife, Ching Eikenberry and the spouse of the deputy ambassador, Dr. Marie Ricciardone. Both are reportedly working for the US mission in Kabul. Are there any other spouses, senior or otherwise, working at the mission there? Are there children in Kabul? Or is that post still, really for adults only and the title of the meet and greet was simply a "cut and paste" lapse?

I see that Liz of Nick and Liz Go Global will be joining Nick in Kabul in late November. But other than those couples, I don’t really know how many family members are on official orders in Kabul (local employees excepted).

There are six fully unaccompanied posts in the Foreign Service, according to the FSJ in March 2009: Baghdad, Kabul, Islamabad, Karachi, Lahore, and Peshawar. The adult family member is able to accompany the employee if he/she is authorized by the Under Secretary for Management. But this is on a case by case basis. I understand that the adult family member must secure employment at the mission before authorization is granted.

In any case, if you are a spouse and looking for a job in Kabul – there are about 170 jobs posted for Afghanistan right now. A bunch of the jobs are on Limited Noncareer Appointment (LNA), which is usually what you get when you work at any overseas mission, anyway. These positions are limited in time – usually for about one year. But your employee-spouse will most probably be on a one-year assignment to Afghanistan, too.

Remember When: Policy on Wives of Foreign Service Employees

Washington, January 22, 1972, 9:05 a.m.

The following is U.S. Government policy regarding wives of Foreign Service employees. This policy applies as well to male spouses and other dependents of Foreign Service employees. Copies of this instruction should be made available to all employees and their dependents. Ambassadors and Principal officers are asked to insure that this policy is observed and that all concerned understand the voluntary character of wives' participation on which it rests:

1. The wife of a Foreign Service employee who has accompanied her husband to a foreign post is a private individual; she is not a Government employee. The Foreign Service, therefore, has no right to levy any duties upon her. It can only require that she comport herself in a manner which will not reflect discredit on the United States.

2. Foreign Service Officers have broadly defined representational responsibilities overseas. These are an integral part of their job, and they are expected to lead generally active social lives. An officer is not relieved of such responsibilities if his wife chooses not to assist him in carrying them out. However, the U.S. Government has no right to insist that a wife assume representational burdens. Each wife must decide the extent to which she wants to participate as a partner in this aspect of her husband's job. She is free to follow her own interests (subject only to the laws and regulations of the host country and the U.S. Government).

3. Many wives may want to engage abroad, as they do at home, in charitable activities. In doing so they not only help others less fortunate than themselves, but often contribute favorably to the image of the U.S. abroad. However, a wife's participation in charitable activities must be truly voluntary. Which particular charity, if any, and the extent of her involvement is a decision for the wife alone to make.

This applies also to wives' participation in activities such as binational organizations, clubs and “in-house” social gatherings which are often worthwhile, contribute to morale and the effective functioning of the post, and thus benefit the Foreign Service. Many wives enjoy these activities, provided they are not viewed as requirements. Some do not and are not required to engage in them.

4. Although membership in a diplomatic community and the requirements of protocol inevitably involve considerations of rank and precedence in dealing with people outside the post, this does not grant to any wife authority over, or responsibility for, the wives of other employees. The American tradition of neighborliness, personal courtesy and mutual concern is the appropriate way to be helpful and friendly without assuming a superior-subordinate relationship.

5. Mention of wives' participation or lack thereof in the types of activities discussed in this instruction may not be made in performance evaluation reports, Inspectors' efficiency reports, or training evaluations. Every rating and reviewing officer has the responsibility of insuring that employees' ratings are not affected by such considerations. However, should violations of this policy occur, remedial action will be taken.6. The Department, USIA, and AID are instituting careful review of their regulations and guidelines to insure that they conform with these principles. Posts are instructed to review their own programs and guidelines to insure conformity with this instruction. These Agencies are confident that this policy statement will receive the support and cooperation of all concerned. If violations do occur, every effort should be made to resolve them at post. However, if after such an effort is made, they cannot be resolved in the field, they should be brought to the attention of the Director General for the Department of State, Office of Personnel and Manpower for AID, and the Assistant Director for Personnel and Training for USIA. Complaints of abuse will be handled on a confidential basis.

Related Items:

• Action Memorandum From the Chairman of the Secretary's Open Forum Panel, Department of State (Thomas) to the Deputy Under Secretary of State for Administration Macomber | October 20, 1971
• Secretary Roger’s Airgram | From the DoS to All Posts | Policy on Wives of Foreign Service Employees | January 22, 1972

Quote: Married to the Service in the 50’s

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‘For the male officer, marriage presents no Service problem. Convention allows that his wife need have no profession of her own. Moreover, she probably should have none, seeing that in the higher grades of the Service she will have an important social role which is likely to keep her fully employed. Indeed, it is very nearly true that she can properly have none; since, quite apart from the question of social demands on her time, there are extremely few professions the following of which would not conflict in some degree with the interests of the Service.’

Sir William StrangThe Foreign Office, 1954 from Women in Diplomacy: The FCO, 1782-1999

Snapshot: State Dept's Family Member Employment - Part 3

What type of jobs are there?

(Click on image for larger view)

Related Posts:

• Snapshot: State Department's Family Member Employment
• Snapshot: State Dept's Family Member Employment – Where are the Jobs Located?

Insider Quote: A 24/7 Responsibility

Image by infiniteshutter via Flickr

"Debbie and I also had the responsibility of taking care of the Embassy communities. This was a 24/7 responsibility. Whatever the emergency or crisis among our Embassy employees (350 in Prague, 1,050 in Paris, of which 60 percent were Foreign Service nationals, ie. Czechs or French), we were on call. We hosted the Embassy team for picnics, games, Christmas parties with kids, Easter egg hunts, Memorial Day remembrances, July 4th celebrations, festive barbeques, and Thanksgiving. We tried to be as accessible as possible."

Craig StapletonUS Ambassador to France (2005-2009 )and Czech Republic (2001-2004)Greenwich Citizen: Greenwich resident talks about years as Ambassador

The Diplomatic Wives: Tribute and Thanks

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In their swearing in, you see the spouses holding the book; when they retire and if they get lucky, the spouses may get a special mention at the ceremony. It does not seem to matter whether it’s the Foreign Service or the FCO. Most days, the spouse is just a spouse, doing all things unofficially, that is.

In 1971, when the Foreign Service issued a directive saying that "participation by a Foreign Service wife in the work of a post is a voluntary act of a private person, not a legal obligation which can be imposed by any Foreign Service official or his wife,” it also said: “We believe it would be a serious loss if the feelings of common effort and cooperation of our Foreign Service personnel and their wives were somehow lost.”

‘Frankly, if a wife chooses to be involved in the embassy work, it’s an unpaid benefit for us.’ That’s from the FCO spokesman in 1986. They were no longer obligated to do anything for the mission, but that did not mean the end of such things. The British Ambassadors in their valedictories recognized that when they pay tribute to their wives (with names never mentioned) even as one puts it, an “empty gesture through it is.”

Sir David Gore-Booth, the British Ambassador to India (Valedictory Despatch: Delhi, 1999) writes:

"So how does the “blustering buffoon” of Francis Wheen’s imagination sign off for the last time? Not without thanking my wives: the first for giving up under the strain after only a few years; the second for making the last 21 years a joy above and below deck. And scores of colleagues, whether UK based or locally engaged, who have helped keep this particular show on the road. I have hugely enjoyed a career that has always been colorful and times controversial. But now it is time to go home."

Sir Michael Weir, the British Ambassador to Egypt (Valedictory Despatch: Cairo, 1985) writes:

"I must end with the customary tribute to spouse and Service, empty gesture through it is to include a sentence or two of compliments in a dispatch which will be read mainly by colleagues. In my case, I have two wives to thank both of whom have been a great support but the first of whom decided that diplomatic life was crippling to the spirit. The second had joined the Service before we met, and has no excuse. I am therefore not taking my leave the same way as other valedictorians, and look forward to several further years service below stairs while my wife pursues her career."

Then there’s Lord Moran who was High Commissioner to Canada (1981-1984) (Valedictory Despatch: Lord Moran, Ottowa, 1984):

"I pay tribute, as I have done in some of my speeches, to the incalculable contribution made to our efforts by a good many of our wives, unpaid but often making all the difference between success and failure. And in this, my last dispatch, I should like to say thank you to my own wife. For thirty five years, at home and in eight countries overseas, we have done everything together. Mine has been an easier job than hers. But her contribution has been enormous. Doing it all together has made it fun. Indeed to have done it without her would have been inconceivable."

And that's that. The Foreign Service, of course, does not have the tradition of the valedictories. Occasionally, you hear the tribute to the wife in the public sphere like this one below from Craig Stapleton, former US Ambassador to France and the Czech Republic. His wife, Dorothy Walker Stapleton, is a first cousin of George H.W. Bush.

"Having served for seven years in a U.S. Embassy, I must say it would be impossible for an Ambassador to fill all the demands of the job, including managing and running the residence staff and events without a wife. Nancy Brinker, an Ambassador to Hungary, often told Debbie and me, "I need a wife." Luckily, Debbie was a willing partner, who made the visit of all who came warm and special. The spouse of an Ambassador has no direct staff, is unpaid, yet the success of the Mission in improving the relations between our respective countries falls equally on the couple."

It Happens: Divorce and the Foreign Service

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“Yesterday, Tom came home from work and announced that he wants a divorce. He wants to get separated right away and for the children and me to leave post immediately. I was devastated! It is the middle of the school year and only the second year of our three-year tour. I had NO idea this was coming and am in a state of shock. My first thought is about our children, especially Beth, the middle one, who has special needs. How will they respond and get through this? Many thoughts are flying through my head about the dissolution of our marriage and family. How could this have happened when I thought everything was going along so well? All of us had adjusted well to this post, the kids were reasonably comfortable at school, and I had finally found a job I liked in the Embassy”

According to Pew Research (The States of Marriage and Divorce | October 15, 2009): [T]he Census Bureau survey showed that a shrinking share of Americans are married² -- 52% of males ages 15 and older and 48% of females ages 15 and older. The proportion of Americans who are currently married has been diminishing for decades and is lower than it has been in at least half a century. […]Among married Americans, the median duration of their married life in 2008 was 18 years.

Unlike Carly Simon’s song, this does not happen everyday in the Foreign Service, but often enough to pay attention to. At one post, a friend who lived in a nearby city called weeping on the phone one Sunday morning when her husband of 20 years decamped to a hotel after telling her he did not want to be married anymore. Another city and another country later, a trailing husband did not want to be a trailing spouse anymore, and went back to a real job back home. At the same post, another husband walked out of wife and four kids. At still another city, a spouse arrived at post months after her husband only to discover that she had been replaced by the daughter of her husband’s landlord. The chance of hearing a spouse ditched for a younger model is higher among wives because women still comprised 80% of the Foreign Service family member population. That and this too (read Madam le Consul’s Beware. Be Very Ware post, sorry cache files only).

Divorce is stressful and complicated enough whether you live in Texas, DC or anywhere else. Except that in the Foreign Service, the end of a marriage is often is more stressful and more complicated because of lack of extended family support when you are overseas and because government regulations can at times place the trailing spouse at a disadvantage. The Family Liaison Office (FLO) also cites the lack of access to information as reason for further complicating divorce issues such as domicile, child custody, visitation, support, and pension benefits.

Susan, a former spouse says in the FLO Guide:

“I would like to share my experience with other spouses who face this situation:

• Don’t allow yourself to be forced out of your home, unless you are concerned about your safety (a possible abuse situation).
• Don’t leave post until:

• You have Advance Return of Family travel orders, which covers the cost of plane tickets home and allows for the shipment of HHE.
• Your spouse signs a statement of mutual consent indicating that you are not abandoning or deserting your spouse and/or your family. Make sure that a U.S. Consular Officer serves as witness.
• Your spouse signs an Authorization to Receive Goods Shipped from Post.
• Your spouse signs a Joint Property Statement, which covers what you have in storage, so that this can be released to you.
• You have the powers of attorney you need, including a limited power of attorney from your bank or credit union.
• You have plans and resources in place. (Contact your bank/credit union to make sure that you will not be closed out of joint accounts without your written permission, which has been notarized). Without these documents in place, it may be more difficult to set up a home and take care of yourself and your children.”

It is important to note that the Department of State views divorce as a personal matter and it does not provide legal services to employees or spouses. The Family Liaison Office’s Crisis Management and Support Officer acts as an information and referral source for separation and divorce questions only and is not an advocate for either party.

Below are some important notes from the FLO Guide on The Foreign Service Family And Divorce:

Important Note: HHE can be removed from an overseas location or from storage (if stored at U.S. Government expense) only with the employee’s consent or a valid court order. [DS-- HHE or household effects are often stored in domestic locations, and occasionally at overseas location but always under the employee’s name]

Important Note: If the employee will not cooperate in requesting this advance travel/shipment, contact the Crisis Management and Support Officer in the Family Liaison Office for guidance. On July 11, 2007, the Director General sent a cable to all posts entitled “Requirement for Employees to Provide Adequately for Spouse and Children Due to Separation and/or Impending Dissolution of Marriage”. It states that “failure to adequately arrange for a spouse or children’s transition from post can reflect adversely upon the U.S. government. Moreover, the Chief of Mission (COM) and the Department have a legitimate concern in the welfare of family members accompanying employees to post.

Important Note: Children of divorced employees or spouses cannot be listed on travel orders unless a copy of the divorce decree establishing that the employee/spouse has joint or sole physical custody (or the equivalent) of the children is on file in the appropriate personnel office. Whether there is joint custody or sole custody, a notarized statement from the former spouse authorizing the child to reside abroad also is required. Requests for exceptions to this policy will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis.

Use Extreme Caution Before Agreeing to Sign Waivers! Carefully review any document you are asked to sign by your spouse which could possibly jeopardize future annuity, survivor annuity (separate from annuity), or Federal Employees Health Benefits (FEHB) for yourself or your children. You may want to consult an attorney before you sign any such document.

Related Items:

• FLO-The Foreign Service Family And Divorce | June 2009
• Financial Security and the Foreign Service Spouse | The Cyberspouse: January 2007
• Former Spouse Benefits Under the Foreign Service Retirement Systems | 2002
• Women’s Institute For A Secure Retirement: Divorce & Widowhood

Meryl Streep launches film series at Ambassador’s residence

US Embassy Paris Photo





On September 6 after a presentation at the Deauville Film Festival, ‘Julie and Julia’ opened Ambassador Rivkin’s new series of avant-première showings at his residence in Paris with the film’s director Nora Ephron and star Meryl Streep.

From the US Embassy press release: This film has particular significance for the U.S. Mission to France given Julia Child’s uniquely American relationship both with the Foreign Service and with France (DS: Julia was once an EFM). The President of Le Cordon Bleu cooking school, which Julia Child attended in the early 60s, presented Meryl Streep and Nora Ephron with honorary diplomas.



The 100 guests included food opinion leaders and critics, young French and American chefs, and close friends of Julia and Paul Child. This showing celebrated Franco-American friendship in light of Julia Child’s unique relation with France, and moved forward the embassy’s agenda for deconstructing America’s “fast food” image and showing the interest of Americans in fine cuisine.

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• A 'French Chef' Whose Appeal Doesn't Translate (nytimes.com)


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• Bon appetit! (news.bbc.co.uk)

US Embassy Bern Happy But …

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Even places like Switzerland get inspected by the Office of the Inspector General. The inspection took place in Washington, DC, between January 5 and 27, 2009; in Bern, Switzerland, between March 2 and 12, 2009; in Geneva, Switzerland, on March 4, 2009; and in Zurich, Switzerland, on March 5, 2009. The report states in part:

Officers and their accompanying family members are happy to be working at Embassy Bern. Negative quality of life issues tend to be outside of the control of the Embassy and include issues with cold winter weather, the extraordinarily high cost of living, and the lack of employment opportunities for family members. The Embassy runs an active EFM program, and several such positions were in the process of being filled during the inspection. As more and more EFMs come with advanced degrees and extensive career experience, the kind of positions available, security escorts for example, falls short of expectations. […]Other expansions of the EFM program, if justified, would contribute to morale among EFMs at post, keeping in mind that the positions would best be structured to take into account the high level of education and experience that EFMs currently possess.

Excerpted fromOIG Report No. ISP-I-09-31A, Inspection of Embassy Bern, SwitzerlandJune 2009 | PDF

You have no rank, whatsoever ...

Yeah, right.

I was reading Tom Wolfe’s The Right Stuff, first published in 1979 (and more recently published by Picador in 2008) about the test pilots and astronauts at the dawn of the space age. Wolfe wrote that his "book grew out of some ordinary curiosity" about what "makes a man willing to sit up on top of an enormous Roman candle… and wait for someone to light the fuse."

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The book is an engrossing read; frankly, reading Chuck Yeager flying the NF-104 is more exciting than watching any teenage-driven demographic movies that populate the cinema these days. The book is also about the wives and the unwritten rules and standards they lived by as they supported their husbands' careers. This was out of the 40’s and 50’s, where wives generally stayed home, and where trailing husbands as a specie, were still unheard of except in the celestial wormholes of Jupiter.I came to page 218 of the book and I had to pause to laugh out loud:

A commander designated to give the wives an orientation lecture says: “First, would you ladies please rearrange yourselves by rank, with the highest ranking wives sitting in the first row and so on the back to the rear: It takes about fifteen minutes for the women to sort themselves out and change their seats, since very few of them know one another. Once the process has been completed, the commander fixes a stern glare upon them and says: “Ladies, I want you to know that I have just witnessed the most ridiculous performance I have ever seen in my entire military career. Allow me to inform you that no matter who your husbands are, you have no rank whatsoever. You are all equals, and you should kindly remember to conduct yourselves as such in all dealings with one another.” That was not the end of the story, however. The wives stared back at their instructor with looks of utter bemusement and, as if with a single mind, said to themselves: “Who is this idiot and what planet has he been stationed on?” For the inexpressible provisions of the Military Wife’s Compact were well known to all. A military officer’s wife rose in rank with her husband and immediately took on all the honors and perquisites pertaining thereto, and only a fool or the sort of simple-minded jerk who was assigned to give orientation lectures to wives could fail to comprehend this.

Despite the absence of a similar Diplomatic Wife’s Compact, the Foreign Service is not altogether different from this. It’s not cultural, mind you. It’s just part of organizational life and the need for the neat ordering of the hierarchy. The next time you are tempted to give an orientation to incoming diplomatic spouses whether here or at post, remember this. And please, for the love of god and gin -- don’t tell them “you have no rank, whatsoever.”They will know the truth soon enough.

Snapshot: State Dept's Family Member Employment - Part 2

Where are the jobs located?

According to the latest FLO data, 25% of adult family members of USG employees overseas are working inside US missions worldwide (embassies and consulates). The actual number is 2,477 out of the total family member population of 9,817. Below is the the percentage of family members working inside US missions, ranked by geographic bureauFamily Members at Post Working Inside US Missions (by geographic bureau):

#1. South Central Asian Affairs - 44%(see SCA countries here)

#2. African Affairs - 39%(see AF countries here)

#3. Near Eastern Affairs – 27%(see NEA countries here)

#4. Western Hemisphere Affairs – 25%(see WHA countries here)

#5. East Asian Pacific Affairs – 24%(see EAP countries here)

#6. European and Eurasian Affairs – 18%(see EUR countries here)

June 2009State department/Family Liaison Office

Below is the overall ranking by geographic bureau with the percentage of family members working inside US missions as well as those working in the local economy and the self-employed. You will note that except for the switch between EAP (#4) and WHA (#5), the ranking below is identical to the working inside the mission ranking above.

Family Members Working at Post (overall by geographic bureau)

#1. South Central Asian Affairs - 64%(see SCA countries here)

#2. African Affairs - 56%(see AF countries here)

#3. Near Eastern Affairs – 44%(see NEA countries here)

#4. East Asian Pacific Affairs – 37%(see EAP countries here)

#5. Western Hemisphere Affairs – 36%(see WHA countries here)

#6. European and Eurasian Affairs – 32%(see EUR countries here)

The interesting thing is that the South Central Asian (SCA) bureau (covering Afghanistan*, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Maldives, Nepal, Pakistan*, Sri Lanka, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan) has the lowest number of family members present at posts (430 individuals) but has the highest rate of employment. (As an aside here -- I should note that Afghanistan and Pakistan are fully unaccompanied assignments as of February 2009 and adult EFMS are only authorized on a case by case basis by “M;” apparently EFMs must secure employment at missions (I’m presuming prior to authorization). In Afghanistan, both the Ambassador’s wife and the Deputy Ambassador’s wife are reportedly working inside the US mission in Kabul.)

On SCA, although not all family members get to accompany their employee-spouses to posts, almost half of those that get to go, are able to work within the mission (44%) or in the local economy (20%).

The most numbers of family members (3,249) according to current data are located in European and Eurasian posts -- at some 30 countries from Albania to the Ukraine. But the EUR bureau has the lowest percentage of employment both inside US missions (18%) and outside (local economy employment is at 14%). Part of this may have to do with language barriers, preference for hiring EU nationals in EU countries, bilateral work agreement restrictions, etc. I can't say for sure. What is clear is if you are heading to a European post, you can expect two things: 1) high standard of living in a good number of posts (also often expensive); and 2) over 2/3 of overall family members will be unemployed during the tour.

I guess in real terms that means -- family members will have time to hang around and have coffee, except that having coffee will be too expensive a past time for many.

Related Item:See Part 1: Snapshot: State Department's Family Member Employment

Snapshot: State Department's Family Member Employment

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Below is a comparative snapshot of family member employment from a 2007 report and the latest available report dated June 2009 from the Family Liaison Office of the State Department. The statistics here refer to adult family members of a U.S. government employee assigned to an overseas mission under Chief of Mission authority.The 2009 data includes reports from 201 posts while the 2007 data included 217 posts. On the gender composition, it went up a percentage this year for female family members and down a percentage for male family members. Female family members still account for 4/5 of the total worldwide population. Also, note that the employment number for those working within the US mission is stagnant at 25%. Family members working outside the mission saw an increased of 2%. This leaves the number of unemployed family members currently at 61%, 2% lower than in 2007.Quick thoughts (and questions) -- first, nothing here indicates the percentage of family members who are actively seeking work and are unable to so do. No data either on family members who have opted to stay-home by choice. I think those are important numbers to know -- so we can tell the effectiveness of the agency's response to clear, articulated needs.Second, given the stagnant number for those working inside the mission, what happened to the expanded hiring under the Professional Associates program? I remember an official telling me that the expanded PA hiring would up the number of jobs for family members overseas. That did not seem to happen given this stuck-on 25% data. Were jobs slashed before or around the time the expanded hiring occurred? Or -- there's another way of looking at these numbers. Note that the total adult family member population has expanded from 9,243 in 2007 to 9,819 in 2009. Whatever increased in hiring occurred was erased by the expansion in this population. Finally, I can't tell from looking at the stats if the 2% bump for those working outside the mission came out because of the SNAP/GEI program or elsewhere. If the 1,397 jobs resulted from SNAP/GEI, is that the best bang for the limited money spent on family member employment? If not, what other alternatives are there?Current report can be viewed here.

2007(217 Posts reporting October 2007)

June 2009(201 Posts)

2007

Family Member Employment Report Statistics(217 Posts reporting October 2007)